Confidence Restored

Performance Anxiety

How to Have Sex With Confidence

Often when we find ourselves in new situations, it becomes easy to get a little flustered, or even to doubt ourselves. This is an entirely natural and normal response.

Whatever the media might tell us, nobody knew it all in the beginning—especially not when it comes to sex. Porn is especially guilty of this. Pornstars are seemingly always at the ready to have the best sex, often without foreplay, and while looking at their best from every angle.

When it comes to doing something for the first time, we usually expect quite a lot from ourselves. It’s not difficult to do. For example, things like having sex for the first time, or being with a new partner for the first time, come with a lot of expectations and anxiety. The other end of an expectation, is potential failure or judgement. That leads to a fear of rejection. And, while there are other possible reasons, it’s usually rejection that makes us worry and shy away from new experiences with other people.

Perhaps you’ve been rejected sexually before, or worse, humiliated. Maybe you’re a little older and still new at having sex, with no idea where to begin. Other times, things happen in our lives and, after years of successful confidence and experience, something changes to take that away.

Performance anxiety with sex can always be treated effectively. The key is accurately identifying the underlying reasons why you fear the encounter, and skilled counselling to deal with those reasons and fears.

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It seems obvious. But the truth is that those underlying reasons hide and disguise themselves quite well. After all, if you knew exactly what they were, you’d be quite confident.

I’ve helped a great many clients deal with Performance Anxiety that stemmed from a variety of causes. Counselling usually doesn’t take very many sessions, and most of my clients report being (back) at full confidence quite quickly.

Whether there’s something beneath the surface that’s holding you back, or whether you’ve been unsuccessful at sex and need more practical or advanced sexual advice, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Alternatively, please feel free to schedule a Free Initial Consultation to discuss how I can be of assistance to you.

Client Feedback:

“After several years of casual relationships and a fair bit of sexual experience, I suddenly got stumped with performance anxiety.

I became interested in someone I worked with. After our second date we went back to his place and starting making out passionately. My heart was racing and I couldn’t believe this was finally happening. But then, for the first time ever, I came almost as soon as we began.

The night was basically ruined and I left as soon as I could get dressed, probably apologising 10 times in the process.

I finally scraped up the courage and we had another date, but the same thing happened and I was mortified.

I decided to talk to a sexologist because I couldn’t figure out what was going on. James was awesome. He assured me that this happened all the time and that I wasn’t alone.

We talked about my past social and sexual relationships and I began realising that what I was really afraid of was commitment. The person I was interested in was really the first time I actually fell in love, and because of growing up in a broken home, I was scared at a deeper level of getting hurt.

James helped me to work through those issues and we also talked about a whole bunch of practical techniques to help me become more confident. We also talked about ways for me to communicate how I felt and what happened to my date, and thankfully, he was really understanding.

He and I are now a couple and going strong after 8 months. It’s my longest relationship so far and there’s no end in sight.

I’m so glad I got in touch with James and I can’t recommend him highly enough!”