Desire Rekindled

Igniting Passion / Intimacy

Turn Old Embers to New Fire

The first few years of a relationship is filled with romantic gestures, seemingly infinite sex, and bundles of excitement. As time goes by, career commitments and ambitions increase, children are added to the family dynamic, and we tend to begin taking for granted the elements that initially bonded us.

Some would say that this is the “natural” progression of things in a relationship. And, perhaps, it is. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

How do you know when the time is right to separate? Can you tell whether it’s worthwhile to work on a relationship or whether it’s better to cut and run? How can we be sure that we still love someone, or that we still love someone enough? The vast majority of marriages end up in divorce. That is, perhaps, the worst statistic of our times. It destroys families and always harms our children. There are cases when it is better to be separated happily, than miserably together. But there are correct and effective ways to find out for sure whether that is the case, or whether we have hope in our current relationships.

The connection and love we share with our partners is the most fundamentally rewarding part of being human. We must try, at all costs, to cherish and grow that happiness. And, if we did let it slip past, rekindle our passion to be close, intimate, and forever celebrating our love.

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But what should we do to protect it? And how do we get it back if it feels like it’s been lost? The answer is different for every couple, but the core lies in how we understand love, and what we do to prioritise and protect that connection.

To quote Louis de Bernières in Captain Correlli’s Mandolin (I highly recommend the movie and book):

“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.”

Relationships require care and dedication. Considering that they are our most significant rewards, they also deserve to be where we focus most of our attention. The problem is one of balance and time management. How do we prioritise our relationships, while still fulfilling our other commitments, and remaining individuals in our own rights?

I’ve helped a great many couples heal from hurt, rekindle the passion in their relationships, and find renewed and lasting growth. I don’t promise any magical 5-step programs, and I certainly don’t guarantee to know every secret to eternal happiness. However, I can help you in your relationships to find your answers, to reach your best potential, and to help you refocus passion amidst an otherwise busy life.

If you’d like to have a chat to find out more, or to discuss any problems you currently have in staying close to your loved ones, please contact me or schedule a Free Initial Consultation.

Client Feedback:

“After 6 years in our relationship, things began to get a little samey. Our sex life dried up and we started taking each other for granted. We let our daily and weekly routines get the better of us and we stopped feeling in love the way we used to.

A friend of mine was going through the same thing last year and they decided the answer was to have a baby instead. Turns out it was the worst idea ever. They’ve now separated and there’s a baby that’ll grow up in a broken home. The worst part is that I’m sure they still loved each other and could have worked it out.

We decided that won’t be our future. Geoff works away from home sometimes and I was looking for someone who did face-to-face and online counselling to make it possible to have couples therapy no matter where we were. We found James and called him to make an appointment.

That was the best decision we ever made in our relationship. It’s only been 4 months on but we’re going stronger than ever. Honestly, sex isn’t new anymore, but it’s better than it ever was. We’ve learned to be vulnerable with each other and have full access to our feelings. Most of all, we trust each other more deeply than we ever did.

James showed us how to live with a focus on the present, while we’re secure in our future. I can’t recommend him highly enough!”